Waves

A shorter post today, but is definitely something important to say, and this time of year always reminds me of it.

I don’t know about you, but for me my grief comes in waves. I think that I have processed something, but then something triggers me or an anniversary comes around, and it takes me back to that place where you feel everything and yet you feel numb at the same time. 

I am trying not to use the word hate in my vocabulary, it is a word that doesn’t need to be there, but it does have super strong meaning, and we over use it in some senses (like the word love), but we don’t actually mean to that extent. But, I really do hate that sometimes things don’t feel real, and that I haven’t completely processed things. Even with therapy and talking to people, and journaling there is a part of me that the situations I grieve over are buried with, that I don’t talk about, access, or trust anybody to share those things. Because in order to understand it all, you have to hear and try and understand it all. 

But, all that to say, grieving does not have a timeline or a specific way it shows itself. It comes in all shapes and sizes, and might come back up when you least expect it. Don’t rush your process, don’t hate yourself in the process, and don’t be disappointed when things come back up. They always will whether it be year 1 or year 20, maybe it gets easier to cope sometimes or the waves come less frequently. But, grief will always be a part of you and your heart and your story. It shows how God shows up in your life, and it is one of the ways he will continue to.

So take heart, you aren’t alone in your grief. Your grief is no less valid because the situation happened a long time ago, or because you think you should be over it, or because someone has it worse than you. Just try your best you can that day, hour, minute, or second; and Jesus can carry you through the rest.

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